Everyone knows that when they have a headache, it could be for any number of reasons, from the innocuous to something quite serious. A good doctor will ask many detailed questions in her quest to determine the exact cause of the headache.

Without a thorough examination and assessment, it would be irresponsible for the doctor to declare a diagnosis of either the flu or a life-threatening brain tumor, either of which may be the culprit.

Mental illness and psychological disorders are no different. Entirely different diagnoses can easily explain the identical symptoms. That’s why a qualified, responsible mental health professional will submit your child to an exhaustive examination before declaring any conclusive determination.

Understanding what is causing a particular behavior is crucial as the diagnosis will drive the treatment in one direction or another. Medications designed to alleviate ADHD symptoms won’t work if the reason for the child’s inattention is something else entirely.

ADHD is the Common Diagnosis for Inattention

Teachers are generally the first to observe the child’s inability to focus or pay attention. She may notice that the child is susceptible to daydreaming, is unable to follow directions, or is easily distracted. While young children have shorter attention spans than their older counterparts, nonetheless a significant inability to focus stands will stand out.  

The marked inability to focus or pay attention, along with hyperactivity and impulsivity is one of the three symptoms of ADHD. So naturally, when a child is easily distracted, the first thing the clinician or parent jumps to is to proclaim it ADHD.

However, there is another, a perhaps, more chilling explanation that can explain these symptoms just as well.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Just a few years ago Dr. Nicole Brown, then a resident at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, became quite frustrated by the ineffectiveness of standard ADHD treatments for many of the children she was observing. She hypothesized that perhaps the behavior, classically considered ADHD, was rather the result of some trauma.

Dr. Brown performed a study to test this link between trauma and ADHD diagnosis. She found the following correlation: children who endured four or more adverse childhood events were three times more likely to use ADHD medication. From this study, Dr. Brown concluded that what she was actually seeing in these children may very well not have been ADHD but trauma.

What often seem to be classic ADHD symptoms; impulsivity, hyperactivity, and inability to focus could be masking hypervigilance, dissociation, and impulsivity that might be the result of exaggerated stress response due to some traumatic experience.

It is estimated that over 10% of American children, 6.4 million kids currently carry an ADHD diagnosis! However, some parents and mental health experts have begun to question if this growing epidemic of ADHD is more a function of hasty evaluations, the massive investment of pharmaceutical companies, and increased pressure on educators to produce high-performing students than ADHD.

Other researchers following in Brown’s path have pointed out a seeming eagerness to lean towards and ADHD diagnosis over PTSD. There is far more involved in diagnosing PTSD in a child than observing impulsive and hyperactive behavior. To discover the trauma more time needs to be spent in the evaluation going deeper into the child’s experience.

It’s unclear how many kids are misdiagnosed with ADHD annually. A 2010 study estimated that the number could be close to one million!

To make matters worse, the medications prescribed for ADHD patients are stimulants that increase levels of neurotransmitters in the brain associated with pleasure, movement, and attention. Mental Health professionals are concerned about the detrimental effect these medications will have on children who have PTSD and already feel agitated or hyper-vigilant.

One clinician who has accepted Dr. Brown’s findings is urging her colleagues to abandon the “all-knowing clinician” persona and replace it with the persona of the “really curious practitioner.” Instead of asking, "What is wrong with the child?”, it would be better to ask, “What happened in his or her life?”

The scenario is all too familiar...

You are on the way to your 9-year-old son’s soccer game and decide to quickly pick up some groceries for supper. You’re choosing a delicious cut of meat and your 2-year old kicks off his shoes in the middle of the aisle. Putting those shoes back on isn’t as easy as it looks. Your toddler’s tantrum quickly spins out of control, and the more you try to force the shoe on his foot, the louder he screams.

When you think you have the shoe back on, your 9-year-old catches a glimpse of the time, and angrily informs you, “We’re gonna be late as usual! Can’t I ever be on time?”

Now you feel everyone’s eyes on you; judging you and your ineffective parenting. Your baby kicks the shoe off again just as your 9-year-old son begins to fly into his own tantrum. You feel the stress, the tightness and are just milliseconds away from losing it, again! For many of us, this is one of those trying moments where we must muster all of our strength not to lose it. And yet it is precisely such a moment that highlights the irreplaceable value of mindfulness in parenting.

Your natural reaction of just plunking your little son down into the shopping cart next to his shoes and castigating your 9-year-old, “Stop being such a cry baby, can’t you see that your baby brother is having a tantrum” is not only admitting failure, but has important ramifications beyond the moment. The angry expression on your face coupled with your sharp verbal jibes will frighten both your children. Instead of learning to improve their behaviors they will become frightened of you and your aggressive behavior that is out of control.

However, there is another way. Mindfulness allows us to pause, step back from the situation momentarily, take stock of our emotional reaction, take a few deep breaths, and respond more calmly and rationally. Some simple replacement behaviors could wholly transform this parenting debacle. First of all, instead of lashing out at your 9-year-old why not lovingly look into your child's eyes and gently tell him, “I see that you are very frustrated and apologize that we will be late for practice.”

Instead of scaring your children, quell your 2-year-old’s emotional storm and restore a sense of safety while simultaneously validating the frustration of your older son.  Our precious children often trigger many different unpleasant emotions inside of us. Such moments of stress can elicit some painful unresolved issues from our past. If we accustom ourselves to practicing mindfulness by pausing before reacting, how we respond to our children will be more aligned with the way we want to treat our children.

Aside from the apparent benefits of regulating our own emotions, practicing mindfulness helps us to be more sensitive and attuned to our kids as well. What’s more, we can help our children to develop their prefrontal cortex enabling them to use their higher brain function to calm the limbic area which is the seat of emotion when they are stressed.

When a child is caught in an emotional storm, appealing to the child’s logic is not only useless but counterproductive. Instead of delivering directives it is more beneficial to connect to them by addressing their feelings. By validating their feelings, we show them that we understand and create an environment of safety. After the child finishes the tantrum and has calmed down, we can appeal to the logic of the left brain to help resolve or at least make sense out of the situation. Developing this logic helps wire the child’s brain to more effectively regulate difficult emotions in the future.

Mindfulness for parents has two parts. First of all, become a parent who practices mindfulness. And secondly, impart upon your children mindfulness tools they can use to make them more resilient when facing the stresses in their lives, including those involving school, bullying, peers, parents, and teachers.

Mindful Parenting

• Let Intention Guide You: When you are involved in your children's’ activities, start with why. Why help them with homework? If it is merely one more task to check off the checklist, your engagement will be entirely different than if it is seen as an opportunity to bond and better understand their learning process.

• Remain in the Present: When you spend time with your child, your objective is to be in the present with them. Put away your electronic device and listen to what they are saying. Devoting your complete attention conveys the message that you want to be there for them and that they are worth your time.

• Communicate Feelings: Our children don’t necessarily react to situations the same way that we do. When parents and children communicate feelings in a safe way, the child feels validated and is encouraged to be true to his/her self; an absolute necessity for emotional health.

• Listen: Instead of asking questions, encourage your child to talk on his/her own. Allow the conversation to go in the direction of your child’s choosing instead of using it to merely access information. Carefully wait to talk and respond, encouraging your child’s freedom.

• Don’t Hide Your Mistakes: Who said that parents need to be perfect? We also make mistakes, and when we admit them to our children, we teach them honesty, that mistakes aren’t the end of the world, and that we can learn from our errors to improve.

Mindfulness Techniques to Teach Children

• Deep breathing: Teach your child to do three consecutive rounds of kids of slow inhalation/exhalation. Slow, steady breathing will help calm the fight/flight response triggered by the amygdala and give them a sense that they can control their emotions instead of vice versa. Help them to picture the release of stress when they exhale.

• Articulate gratitude: Make it a habit to speak about things for which you are grateful. Use the dinner table as a forum for everyone to share at least one instance in the day that is worthy of gratitude.

• Meditation: Children generally can’t sit for longer than their age; a 7-year-old for seven minutes. Show them the calmness that comes when you slow down and try to get in touch with what is going on inside. Remember to model it, but don’t enforce it.